Marriage Realities (Part 1)

I will be doing s few articles on marriage and family over the next few weeks. i pray that God will use it to strengthen your marriage and protect it from the attacks of the enemy.

Each person should recognize that their marriage commitment is to the Lord FIRST and to your spouse SECOND. There are many things that the enemy uses to attack marriages so we must be "innocent as a dove and wise as a serpent" in defending our marriage against these attacks. I believe that the key to maintaining a solid foundation in marriage is for both husband and wife to cultivate and maintain a solid, deep, and mutual relationship with Christ and make a commitment to be obedient to God's Word.
Here are a few things that I know will help this journey:

Focus on YOUR HEART, not your outward appearance.

Our heart is much more important than the way we "present" ourselves to our peers. People can look good on the outside and on the inside be falling apart. I can't help but to think of those in Hollywood that people literally try to imitate and how we read everyday of their marital collapse and moral debauchery. Proverbs 31:30,"Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised."

Spend time growing in your love for God's Word and for the times you are with Him. This will strengthen your heart and be good for your soul. All of our efforts should not go into what we "appear" to be but on growing in godliness. This will be an opportunity for your marriage to mature and be strengthened.


Focus on who your husband/wife REALLY IS, not on who you want them to be.

There are so many marriages that stumble because the husband and wife do not know each other. No one is perfect, and we can't expect them to be and have any chance at experiencing the reality of a strong marriage. Strong godly marriages are not made between two perfect people but between two sinners who trust Christ to guide them. Just as there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1), we should not have a spirit of condemnation toward our spouses because they do not meet all of our expectations. Chunk that idea of having a "perfect marriage" and learn to love the spouse that you have. Husbands, we must live with our wives "with understanding" (1 Peter 3:7) and patience. Just as God is preparing us for Christ, we must love our spouses without always focusing on their faults. I promise, you are messed up, too. Thank God that he uses messed up people for His glory!



Focus on LOVING your husband/wife not on how much you have in common.

My advice to couples I've counseled is to "love your wife" and to "love your husband." Ephesians and Titus deal with so much of this thought that it is obviously something of which we need to be reminded. No two people are the same, especially husbands and wives. What did you expect? God uses those differences to help us become more like Christ. If our focus is directed toward self, you will never see the absolute joy of being in that marriage relationship.